Double-Fart Chili

This recipe isn’t for the light of fart. Sauerkraut plus beans? Truly a recipe for those cold days that require ancillary heating sources—you know, like your butt. It’s easy to make with our friends Canned Vegetables and Mister Crockpot. The surprise ingredient—sauerkraut—may, err, surprise you, but trust me when I say it is worth a try. You won’t even need to add any extra spices or salt to this flavorful bowl of gas-inducing goodness. You can thank me for lowering your energy bill later.

Ingredients

1 onion, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 pound ground beef

15 oz can of butter beans

15 oz can of red kidney beans

27 oz can of sauerkraut

15 oz can of corn

15 oz can of diced tomatoes

15 oz can of tomato sauce

1. Open all the cans and dump everything into the crockpot. Add the liquids too—you don’t even need to crack open any broth.

2. Add the meat and prepped onion and garlic. Stir to mix.

3. Set crockpot (high for cooking in about 4 hours, low for about 6) and go about your business. I suggest purchasing nose plugs.

Enjoy!

Easy Creamy Potato and Pea Soup

When the cold weather finally hits, and going to get your mail chills you to the bone, guess what’s for dinner? Soup. You can make this one with such little prep and thinking ahead, it’s pretty much brainless. Additionally, it accomplishes a rich and creamy taste and texture without the addition of any heavy cream or cheese—evaporated milk and roux to the rescue! OK…I did put in a whole stick of butter…but scale it back if you want to. I didn't label it "healthy," for pete's sake... This recipe was my test-drive for canned potatoes—never had ‘em growing up, but since I’ve been into stocking up the pantry lately, thought I’d give them a try. They are already cooked, so all they need is to be warmed through—yeah, there’s a bit of an off-flavor, but that’s what spices are for. The speed is worth it when you want to whip up a quick soup! The texture is a bit thicker than water, but if you want to make it thicker, double the flour to 4 tablespoons.
 

Yields about 1 gallon

1 stick butter

2 large onions, diced

3 large cloves of garlic, minced

½ c sake

32oz container chicken broth

2 14.5oz cans potatoes

1 15oz can peas

2T flour

1 12oz can evaporated milk

Salt and red pepper flakes to taste

1. Melt ½ stick of butter in a decent-size saucepan (mine was 4.5 quarts). Sauté diced onions and minced garlic until at least soft and translucent, about 8–10 minutes. You could go longer and get a darker color to them—this would bring more of a caramelized flavor to the soup. I like them light, because they become a great sweet background that way with just a little bit of soft toothiness. However, if you want these guys to be more prominent, cook ‘em longer.

2. Add the sake and the chicken broth to the pot.

3. Chop up the potatoes (I sliced them into bite-size chunks) and add to the soup. Add the peas. 

4. Simmer until warmed through. 

5. While the soup is simmering, prepare the roux. In a small pot, melt the other ½ stick of butter over low heat. Stir in the flour. Add the evaporated milk slowly, stirring to incorporate. Continue stirring over low heat until the mixture is steaming and has thickened to a velvety texture.

6. Add the milk mixture to the soup; stir to combine. Serve with salt and red pepper flakes to taste. Enjoy!

Epic Chicken Pot Pie

What's better on a cold winter's day than a chicken pot pie with delicious filling and crisp, yummy crusts on the top and bottom? A chicken pot pie with delicious filling and crisp, yummy crusts on the top and bottom, with one in the MIDDLE.

Pie Filling:
1 lb carrots
1 celery heart
2 onions
Worchestershire sauce
Granulated garlic
1 1/2 lbs green beans
10-14 chicken thighs and legs
4-5 medium/large potatoes
Bay leaves
Red pepper flakes
Whole allspice
Salt
Pepper

Cordless Screwdrivers:
4 oz vodka
1 orange
Sugar

Pie Crust x 3:
1 1/2 cups flour
1/3 cup shortening
Ice water

1. Slice up the onions and marinate them overnight in Worchestershire, salt, and granulated garlic. Honestly, a sandwich Ziploc bag works fine, but if that offends your sensibilities--feel free to use a bowl or something.

2. Cook chicken in water. This will take 4 hours or so. Put the chicken pieces in a large pot along with 3 bay leaves, 1 pinch of red pepper, 5 whole allspice, 2T of salt, and 1 t of cracked black pepper. Bring pot to a simmer and maintain. Add water as needed to keep the liquid level high in the pot. When the chicken is nearly done (starting to fall off the bone and very tender) drink 4 cordless screwdrivers with your cooking partner (see note below) and add the orange peels into the broth. When done, you should have about 12 cups of broth.

*Note: Cordless Screwdrivers. Slice an orange into wedges by first cutting in half from stem to navel. With a large orange, you can get 4 nice wedges out of each half. Cut any white fibers off the inner point of the wedges for ease of eating later. Dredge the orange wedges in sugar. Pour a shot of vodka. Do the shot and eat the sugar-coated orange wedge as a chaser--thanks to Every Day Drinkers.com for the inspiration!

3. At some point while the chicken is cooking (or even the day before), prepare the vegetables. You'll need to peel and cut the carrots into coins; clean and chop the celery (or mince if you'd rather); wash and dice the potatoes; trim the ends off the green beans and slice em in half.

4. Saute the onion in a large pot with fat skimmed off the chicken broth.

5. Put the tubers and celery to the pot and add broth until the veggies are covered. Boil until the tubers are done--aka you can poke em with a fork and it goes in nicely without too much resistance. Add the green beans and cook until they're toothy.

6. Put a strainer over another large pot and drain the chicken into it. Put the chicken back into the original pot and put the lid on it. If it's cold and wintery outside (as it should be if you're making the recipe PROPERLY), put the pot with the chicken outside to cool off. If not--well I guess you'll just have to wait then!

7. Drain the veggies into the pot with the broth and put them aside.

8. Make the three crusts. Combine the flour and shortening in a large bowl. Rub the mixture between your hands until it is fully incorporated. Add ice water by the spoonful, mixing in between, until the dough comes together into a ball. It shouldn't be too moist, but it also shouldn't be crumbling apart. Roll out the dough ball on a floured surface until it is big and round enough to fit into the bottom of a cast iron pot (mine is about 12" in diameter, with 4" high walls). Make another batch of dough and put the rolled out circle into the cast iron pot's lid. Dock these two crusts and bake them in a 450-degree oven until they're browned--about 12 minutes. Make the third crust and roll it out into a circle about the diameter of your pot. Set it aside and put plastic wrap over it to keep it moist.

9. Make the gravy. Take the chicken and veg broth that you've made and bring it to a simmer. Add a mixture of corn starch and water until the broth has thickened into a nice gravy. My advice is to start with just a bit of the corn starch mixture at a time--you don't want to end up with Jello! Set aside.

10. Hopefully the chicken will have cooled off a good amount by now. Pick the meat off the bones. Dispose of the bay leaves and whole allspice. Combine the chicken with the veg.

11. Assemble the pie. Put a layer of the chicken and veg mixture in the bottom of the pot. Spoon some gravy over the layer. Add the baked crust you prepared in the lid of the cast iron pot. Add more chicken filling and gravy on top of the middle crust. When the pot is filled up, place the unbaked crust over the top of the pot. Cut slits in a radiating pattern (looks like a sand dollar, kinda). Bake the pie until browned and warmed through--about 20 minutes in a 450-degree oven.

Serve!

Required Holiday Season Healthy-But-Not-Healthy Hot Spinach and Cheese Dip

This is another recipe from the “so why do I have frozen spinach in the back of the freezer?” file. Maybe I should just start buying frozen spinach on PURPOSE. Anyway, this is a fantastic dip to share. With four people, you can bust through this entire recipe in about an hour. Just plan to have enough dippers…like about 1 sleeve of Ritz per person. You think I’m kidding… It's also forgiving to make. Doesn't matter what size of spinach box/bag you have (within reason)—if you want more cheese in there, add it (no reason needed)—if you want more seasoning, add it. This would be entirely healthy, if it wasn’t for all the cheese. But then—it would just be a pile of steaming spinach. That sounds like a pile of steaming…never mind. Just make it, already!

Inspired by Martha Stewart’s Hot Spinach Dip recipe.

Yields about 5 cups

2 bags of frozen spinach (10 or 12oz), thawed

1 medium or large onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

1T oil or butter for sautéing

2/3c chicken broth

8oz Neufchatel or cream cheese

1t sesame oil

2t Worcestershire sauce

Salt and pepper to taste

1c and 2c shredded cheese, divided (I used a cheddar blend)

1. Thaw and drain the frozen spinach. I recommend this new method—microwave it, then toss it in a sturdy colander in the sink and press it with a potato masher. Kind of awesome and quick.

2. Sauté the onion and garlic.

3. Turn the heat down and add the chicken broth (or you could use milk, beef broth, wine, whatever you have laying around). Warm through—you don’t want it simmering, but just steaming—especially if you use milk (it’ll get weird looking, though it will taste fine).

4. Add the Neufchatel or cream cheese to the pot and break it up with a spoon. Stir until it melts and incorporates.

5. Add the sesame oil, Worcestershire, and salt and pepper. Stir well.

6. Add the 1c of shredded cheese and stir until melted and incorporated.

7. Add the spinach and stir well.

8. Spoon the mixture into a baking dish. I used a 9 ½” L x 5” W x 3” D Pyrex dish, and it was the perfect size. You want some headroom so you can spread out the remaining 2c of shredded cheese on top. At this point, you can fridge the dip for another day, or proceed to warm it through and eat now.

9. Pop the dish into a preheated 350-degree oven for about 15 minutes, or until bubbly and the cheese has melted.

Serve with crackers (Ritz are great), pretzels, vegetables (if you must), whatever! Enjoy!